Gone in a "Flash'

Mmmmmm K! I am now officially 2 weeks (+ 1 day) post-op from my Prophylactic Bilateral Mastectomy (PBM)

First, I just want to say, thank you all SO much for the outpouring of support, gifts, flowers, phone calls, concern, and well wishes! it really has meant so much more to me than I could ever express in words!

So, Sappy stuff out of the way.. moving right along!

MY BOOBS ARE GONE! Ha!

I knew that would happen, but it was all a little (understatement of the year) surreal. That's the best word I can think of to describe what its like.. when I have an itch I can't scratch on my numb (dead feeling) flat/concave chest.. it's weird, relieving, annoying, erie and quite frankly completely overwhelming.
When my daughter stands in front of me and rests her head on my boney chest it literally takes my breath away.. It doesn't hurt though. It's just.. well, weird.

There's some hypersensitivity in the area surrounding my wounds. My right arm is regaining feeling as the nerves repair themselves after the sentinel node biopsy (which came back negative btw). Steri strips are still on, but my drains are out HALLELUJAH! (Why are there 2 spellings for Halleluiah?)
Drains came out 4 days after surgery which is INCREDIBLE actually and probably the best day of my husband's life! He was solely responsible for stripping, cleaning, emptying the drains every 4 hours, and while he did an amazing job, we were both over it! It was a pain in the..."back" for him and left me feeling helpless that I had to have THAT much assistance with things. I just wasn't used to it. Drains didn't hurt, but getting them out will be an entirely new post >insert barf emoji here<

I am actually doing 4000% better physically than I thought I would be! Mentally I will catch up! Don't worry, the "old me' will be back before you know it!

Now I'm gonna flash you....

Brought to you by no make up, bed head and the love and support of this sweet girl right here! This was 3 days post op.. I couldn't believe how much pain I wasn't in! #Winning

Buh Bye Boobies!

It is through a roller coaster of emotions that I ride to the hospital this morning. Saying goodbye to all my bras that have served me well over the last 33 years (figuratively, obviously they’re not the same ones.. GROSS!)
The decision to finally have my Pofalactic Billateral Mastectomy without Reconstruction was not an easy one to make. It included many years of therapy, 6 1/2 years living with the knowledge of my BRCA-1+ diagnosis, and a lot of opinions and input from everyone in my life and others who have fought the fight either against breast cancer, or to avoid the very high risk that us BRCAteers have.
While I might put on a happy face and prance around like a brave warrior woman (pretty sure brave warrior women don’t prance) inside I’m crying. Hell, even outside I’m crying sometimes, just preferably not in public..

So, in a few hours I’m gonna be FLAT! Which would be a first for me since 3rd grade! I hope I come out of seurgery (not puking) feeling relieved and empowered to continue on without the looming fear that “this could be the day I have breast cancer”. Or crack another joke like “yea, if I live that long”..

I intended on taking all these amazingly whimsical “before photos” at the beach and when I got there I felt everything except whimsical.. It could’ve been the 20 somethings with their cheekies in the sand taking pics for their insta-fame and 4 billion followers, but it was a feeling. A feeling that maybe I wouldn’t want to look back at myself looking whimisical on the beach WITH boobs. No, I think I’d rather look forward to looking strong and brave on the beach without boobs!

So with that being said, it’s only gonna get harder before it gets any easier, however, once I’m in it I have no notice but to navigate through it. So dang it, that’s what I’m gonna do! Which me luck!