Gone in a "Flash'

Mmmmmm K! I am now officially 2 weeks (+ 1 day) post-op from my Prophylactic Bilateral Mastectomy (PBM)

First, I just want to say, thank you all SO much for the outpouring of support, gifts, flowers, phone calls, concern, and well wishes! it really has meant so much more to me than I could ever express in words!

So, Sappy stuff out of the way.. moving right along!

MY BOOBS ARE GONE! Ha!

I knew that would happen, but it was all a little (understatement of the year) surreal. That's the best word I can think of to describe what its like.. when I have an itch I can't scratch on my numb (dead feeling) flat/concave chest.. it's weird, relieving, annoying, erie and quite frankly completely overwhelming.
When my daughter stands in front of me and rests her head on my boney chest it literally takes my breath away.. It doesn't hurt though. It's just.. well, weird.

There's some hypersensitivity in the area surrounding my wounds. My right arm is regaining feeling as the nerves repair themselves after the sentinel node biopsy (which came back negative btw). Steri strips are still on, but my drains are out HALLELUJAH! (Why are there 2 spellings for Halleluiah?)
Drains came out 4 days after surgery which is INCREDIBLE actually and probably the best day of my husband's life! He was solely responsible for stripping, cleaning, emptying the drains every 4 hours, and while he did an amazing job, we were both over it! It was a pain in the..."back" for him and left me feeling helpless that I had to have THAT much assistance with things. I just wasn't used to it. Drains didn't hurt, but getting them out will be an entirely new post >insert barf emoji here<

I am actually doing 4000% better physically than I thought I would be! Mentally I will catch up! Don't worry, the "old me' will be back before you know it!

Now I'm gonna flash you....

Brought to you by no make up, bed head and the love and support of this sweet girl right here! This was 3 days post op.. I couldn't believe how much pain I wasn't in! #Winning

Buh Bye Boobies!

It is through a roller coaster of emotions that I ride to the hospital this morning. Saying goodbye to all my bras that have served me well over the last 33 years (figuratively, obviously they’re not the same ones.. GROSS!)
The decision to finally have my Pofalactic Billateral Mastectomy without Reconstruction was not an easy one to make. It included many years of therapy, 6 1/2 years living with the knowledge of my BRCA-1+ diagnosis, and a lot of opinions and input from everyone in my life and others who have fought the fight either against breast cancer, or to avoid the very high risk that us BRCAteers have.
While I might put on a happy face and prance around like a brave warrior woman (pretty sure brave warrior women don’t prance) inside I’m crying. Hell, even outside I’m crying sometimes, just preferably not in public..

So, in a few hours I’m gonna be FLAT! Which would be a first for me since 3rd grade! I hope I come out of seurgery (not puking) feeling relieved and empowered to continue on without the looming fear that “this could be the day I have breast cancer”. Or crack another joke like “yea, if I live that long”..

I intended on taking all these amazingly whimsical “before photos” at the beach and when I got there I felt everything except whimsical.. It could’ve been the 20 somethings with their cheekies in the sand taking pics for their insta-fame and 4 billion followers, but it was a feeling. A feeling that maybe I wouldn’t want to look back at myself looking whimisical on the beach WITH boobs. No, I think I’d rather look forward to looking strong and brave on the beach without boobs!

So with that being said, it’s only gonna get harder before it gets any easier, however, once I’m in it I have no notice but to navigate through it. So dang it, that’s what I’m gonna do! Which me luck!

At Home Test?!

Whaaaaaat?!? How cool is THIS?! Now it's easier than ever to get tested for the BRCA-1 and BRCA-2 genetic mutation

https://www.color.com/l/welcome?utm_source=Facebook&utm_campaign=Prospecting_oCPM&utm_medium=W&utm_content=lori

Pink & Red

Happy Valentine's Day! Do you have any traditions to celebrate? Please share!

We do our best to stay healthy even though this is a holiday surrounding candy, chocolate, and everything sweet!

We do flowers, balloons, pink (breast cancer awareness) and red (heart disease awareness), we do movies, hugs and kisses, snuggles, heart shaped everything, yummy dinners, and we are present over perfect,

We miss our loved ones who've passed, and we make new memories as a family together to cherish always.

Squeeze each other tight tonight because yesterday is gone and tomorrow isn't promised.

Much Love...

Groundhog Day 2017

6 more weeks of winter! Thanks Punxsutawney Phil! ;-)

International Women's Day

HAPPY INTERNATIONAL WOMEN'S DAY FROM "NOVARIAN CANCER"!! This is my favorite woman EVER!!! She was such an advocate for BRCA testing and saved lives while fighting for her own! So many women around the world are avoiding ovarian cancer altogether because of women like her.. Today I saw something that said "Here's to strong women! May we know them. May we be them. May we raise them." I think that saying hits the nail on the head!!!
My mom was the strongest woman EVER!! I like to think she passed that strength on to me and I will pass it to my daughter.

Celebrate one another  by building each other up instead of tearing eachother down!

A step in the right direction...

This article briefly describes a new drug that has been found to be effective in the fight against Ovarian Cancer..

It's so sad how many people have succumbed to this terrible disease before they will ever find a cure. I know there's a lot of politics that go in to major medical and pharmaceuticals, but the bottom line is, they are working hard to find a cure, I hope they're close.

I hold your heart...

1 year ago, tonight, my mommy lost her 9 year battle with Ovarian Cancer. There are no words for the pain and grief that I have gone through since losing my mother/best friend.

Thank You from the bottom of my heart to everyone who has been there for me and my family this past year. The outpouring of support from everyone in my life has been overwhelming!

This blog has forever been dedicated to my mom, and I will keep it going as a tribute to her by spreading knowledge and awareness of this terrible disease and the gene in which causes it!

I know she's no longer suffering and she's in a better place, but my heart still aches for her. Reminiscing of fond memories of the laughter and love of 30 years with my mom has brought me peace, but she will be forever missed! Gone too soon..

" I hold your heart. I hold it in my heart. "
-E.E. Cummings

Rest In Peace Mama!

XXXOOO

Time Flies...

It's been 1 year since I had my Bi-lateral salpingo oopherectomy with complete hysterectomy!

Since then I have endured a lot of obstacles that life has thrown at me..

My Mother passed away 2 weeks after my surgery. This came as a complete shock to me and my family. She was such a fighter til the very end and her last steps she took were chasing after her sweet 2 yr old granddaughter. (My daughter is now 3 and misses her Mimi very much). After funeral arrangements were complete, my time in AZ came to an end and I joined my husband in  Ft Leonard Wood, MO. where we lived until August. We then moved to Fort Drum, NY.. Where we have been enduring lots of snow, making new memories, and creating new friendships.

Having my surgery 2 weeks before my mom passed was very hard for me to handle at the time. I had a lot of regret on the timing of everything, but it couldn't have been anticipated that it would happen that way. Looking back on it, I would've gotten it done sooner.. but "if only" or "coulda shoulda woulda" is not healthy. My mom died knowing that I would never have Ovarian Cancer.. So crappy timing or not, that was the last gift I gave to her.. That peace of mind.

If you are in the same boast that I was in just a year ago, and you go back and forth about pros and cons of risk reducing surgery, I will tell you this.. I have NO regrets. I would do it again in a heartbeat. The ONLY thing I would've changed was waiting so long.

That being said, I am the healthiest I have ever been and menopause hasn't been as awful as I was anticipating. Hot flashes suck, but I live in the arctic tundra of upstate NY, so I can just go outside! My bones are healthy, there were no complications during the healing process, andIi feel like myself!

Thank you to everyone who has been checking in with me this year, and to my amazing family who has really stepped up in the absence of my mom during this crazy time in my life!

January 20, 2015 - Post Op

Messed With The Wrong Chick

OMG. This is Awesome!!!
I like that the ribbon is teal AND pink, and not putting emphasis on breast cancer over ovarian cancer. I also like how it depicts that the ribbon is choking the chick! Seriously ordering this! Love Love Love. Hope everyone had a wonderful Holiday Season and is kicking 2016 with a great start!

Click on the link to buy yours now!

 BRCA1 Shirt

** Disclaimer: I do not receive a kickback of profits from the company. I came upon this image and posting it for BRCA1 awareness purposes only and am in no way advertising or boosting sales for the t-shirt company.

Happy Birthday Mom

Happy Birthday Mom!! I miss you so much.

Witches of Menopause

           In lieu of the upcoming Halloween Holiday... I thought THIS was very appropriate!!!

                                                  Stay Safe out there this Saturday!

BRCA Genes Defined

BRCA1 and BRCA1 (/ˌbrækəˈwʌn/^[1]) are a human gene and its protein product, respectively. The official symbol (BRCA1, italic for the gene, nonitalic for the protein) and the official name (breast cancer 1, early onset) are maintained by the HGNC. Orthologs, styled Brca1 and Brca1, are common in other mammalspecies.^[2] BRCA1 is a human tumor suppressor gene^[3][4] (to be specific, a caretaker gene), found in all humans; its protein, also called by the synonym breast cancer type 1 susceptibility protein, is responsible for repairing DNA.^[5]

BRCA1 and BRCA2 are normally expressed in the cells of breast and other tissue, where they help repair damaged DNA or destroy cells if DNA cannot be repaired. They are involved in the repair of chromosomal damage with an important role in the error-free repair of DNAdouble-strand breaks.^[6][7] If BRCA1 or BRCA2 itself is damaged by a BRCA mutation, damaged DNA is not repaired properly, and this increases the risk for breast cancer.^[8][9] Thus, although the terms "breast cancer susceptibility gene" and "breast cancer susceptibility protein" (used frequently both in and outside the medical literature) sound as if they describe an oncogene, BRCA1 and BRCA2 are normal; it is their mutation that is abnormal.

BRCA1 combines with other tumor suppressors, DNA damage sensors, and signal transducers to form a large multi-subunit protein complex known as the BRCA1-associated genome surveillance complex (BASC).^[10] The BRCA1 protein associates with RNA polymerase II, and through the C-terminaldomain, also interacts with histone deacetylasecomplexes. Thus, this protein plays a role in transcription, DNA repair of double-strand breaks^[9] ubiquitination, transcriptional regulation as well as other functions.^[11]

Methods to diagnose the likelihood of getting cancer of a patient with mutations in BRCA1and BRCA2 were covered by patents owned or controlled by Myriad Genetics.^[12][13] Myriad's business model of offering the diagnostic test exclusively led from Myriad being a startup in 1994 to being a publicly traded company with 1200 employees and about $500M in annual revenue in 2012;^[14] it also led to controversy over high prices and the inability to get second opinions from other diagnostic labs, which in turn led to the landmark Association for Molecular Pathology v. Myriad Geneticslawsuit.^[15]

Source: Wikipedia 

Optimal Health

After my mom lost her 9 year battle with Ovarian Cancer, I went on a downward spiral with my depression and health. I turned to food for comfort. I was gaining a lot of my weight back and "eating my feelings".

I took a good look in the mirror and said to myself " You will get a hysterectomy so that you don't get ovarian cancer, but you are on a very unhealthy path in your life"

I would undergo surgery to avoid sickness, but then gain weight and continue to be obese because I was sad? That was very counterproductive of me. Something had to change!

My health coach reached out to me with a program that saved me! I have lost 37 lbs in 3 1/2 months and I feel better than ever! I am also a Health Coach now. I am paying it forward. I want to help people acheive optimal health, like my coach has been doing for me.

I would've done anything to make my mom healthy. ANYTHING.

It's time to make America Healthy again! Stop the sickness before it begins.

Please reach out to me if you, or someone you know, is sick and tired of feeling sick and tired.

Want to acheive optimal health? I can help you!

Movin' on up

We are now officially living in "North Country".

It's beautiful up here. I wish my mom could've seen our new house and this area. She would've loved it. I can feel her presence here though (weird since it's somewhere new), but as I decorate and put personal touches on the house, so much of her comes through in that.

She was SUCH a talented decorator and so crafty (during the days before Pinterest made EVERYONE crafty). She definitely passed down that love of crafts to me, although the execution of said crafts  isn't quite the same! Lol. She would spend hours and days doing a craft that I would have done in 30 minutes. Needless to say, hers's always looked WAY better. Haha

In our last house, I had my mother's ashes, picture and some keepsakes on our dresser in our room. I loved it and it comforted me at night (which is the only moments of the day I have to myself to think and reflect). The only thing is, it felt kind of "shrine-esque". Also, nobody else really saw it or could appreciate it since it was tucked away in the Master bedroom.

In this house I'm thinking of dispersing the items throughout the house, so it's a little bit of her presence in each room, keepsakes here, ashes there, pictures over there.. You get the idea!

Anyone have any great tips for keeping a lost loved one's memory alive in your new home without having the shrine feel to your house? I'm open to all tips!

How are my readers doing? We'll be ready for visitors soon! Any friends and family wanting to explore "North Country" we have a guest room! (Sans shrine) 😉

Much love!

Chill out hottie!

If you have Ovarian cancer (or even breast cancer) or maybe you're a BRCA-teer like me, and have had a hysterectomy, you are blessed with menopause and all it's amazing side effects! :-) YAY!

You know what though? I'd so much rather be in menopause and avoid cancer, than the alternative! (for those of you who are fighting the good fight, your chances of beating this are so much greater if you've had a hysterectomy, or at least a bilateral salpingo oopherectomy)

So what do we all know about menopause? HOTFLASHES of course! I am an expert on them now.

If you are new to hotflashes, you may wonder how you can stay cool during the summer months...

• Drink ice water.

• Aviod caffeine (caffeine can trigger hot flashes)

• Avoid spicy foods (can also trigger hot flashes)

• Have cold meals instead of hot food (trade the soups in for cold bisques and the hot pasta in for pasta salads! Have your herbal tea iced this summer, it's refreshing)

• Crank that A/C!

• Swim (it's great exercise AND it will cool you to the core!)

• Portable fan

• Use a bed sheet instead of a heavy quilt at night

• Run your errands early before it gets hot, or at night after the sun goes down

• Utilize that automatic start for the car! It's not just for the winter! Cool off your vehicle before you even get in!

• Wear your hair up and avoid wearing hats. (Heat escapes through your head and feet.. Wear sandals and avoid headgear that can add to the blazing inferno that is now your body)

• Cold Showers

• Eat popsicles! (they have less calories than ice cream!)

• If your stressed and frazzled, stop, take five minutes to cool down and take deep breathes.. This one is key! If you're going a mile a minute like us girls tend to do, the stress of it all can cause a hot flash and make it even MORE stressful!

• Eat ice (don't tell your dentist I told you to do this!)

• Sit in front of a fan. (lol This is ow I ate my dinner tonight!)

"The Book of Excuses"

My mother used to always say that she could write a whole book of excuses.

Excuses for being late, missing appointments, cancelling plans, you name it.. she had an excuse for it.

I think my favorite was when she would call her doctor's office and tell them she couldn't make it because she was too sick!! Mom, really?!? DUH!!!!! That's why you have to GO TO THE DOCTOR!!! We would laugh til we cried about it.There's a thousand more just like it too.

Of course everyone close to her knew about this incredible talent that she possessed. I, of course, always knew when she was using one of her amazing "one liners" on me, so they never worked with me! She never needed an excuse for me though. Sometimes it felt like we were on a whole other wave length.. Our own special kind of crazy ;-)

What is the best excuse you've ever come up with to get out of something?!?

I always wanted to write a book about my mom's life and my journey with her.... I just had a momentary thought... The title of that book would be... "The book of excuses"

I've toyed with "The funny story behind mom's cancer" but she was so much more than her cancer.. WE were so much more than her cancer. "the invincible woman" would've been suitable, til she passed...

"My guardian angel", but that title wouldn't sell books..

Who am I kidding.. pfft. I'll never get around to actually writing a book!

....but hey! Just in case I do.. I have a title!

The saddest episode

Emotional mother/daughter scenes in TV shows and movies really get to me.

I mean, I'm not running out there and watching "my sister's keeper" or "Marley & Me", but cancer is so prevalent in today's society (which sucks btw), but now it's made it's way on to all my favorite TV shows too.

The place I go to escape reality and reality comes right back, smacking me in the face!

My husband and I have recently started watching "Parenthood".

LOVE this show. What's even better, is that we can watch it all the way through to the series finale without commercials! WIN! Thank you Amazon Prime!

**spoiler alert**

One of the characters gets breast cancer. She undergoes a mastectomy and chemo and has a scare in one of the episodes that had my husband and I in a tear soaked puddle of sadness.

We've both lost a parent in the last few years. It's been so tough. This is the first time we both broke down emotionally over a TV episode though! Lol!

I mean, sure.. I'm the one who's secretly blubbering like a baby during Bambi, or when little foot loses his mama and gets a tree star. We've even had heated debates because he didn't cry at the end of "The Notebook". In fact, he got up and grabbed a beer during the saddest dang part! I have accused him of being heartless and empty inside because of his lack of emotion sometimes, haha, but he's just a guy and he can't help it that "The Lion King" doesn't move him to mourn!

Last night was rough though. Cancer, a parent dying, a heartfelt goodbye, and 2 saps on the couch. Dealing with loss SUCKS! I hate that it's a part of life.

I Love You Aaron Keil! It's you and me forever! I'm doing everything I can to NOT get these dang cancers!

Is Caitlyn Jenner a Hero?

Ok, so I hope I don't lose friends over this.. Normally I don't comment on extremely controversial topics, but I have to say something about all the comparisons being made about Caitlyn Jenner and "True American Heroes"

 This is gonna be long, but stick with me...

 Being an Army wife, (and a sister-in-law to a catastrophically injured Iraqi Veteran) I have seen true sacrifice and heroism. I have seen soldiers come back from war with PTSD,  multiple amputations, TBI's, you name it. Soldiers that will never walk again because of their sacrifice for our country. They are so brave and courageous. They are heroes to so many of us out there, including myself. What they give up every day to protect our freedom is by far and away the definition of selflessness. The military families out there are also very brave and courageous. Being a military family is not for the faint of heart, I know this all too well. For the gold star moms and families of the fallen, I have the utmost respect and compassion. To send your child off to war and not have them come home alive is a grief that no parent should ever have to feel and I honestly don't know how they get through it, but they are amazing and inspiring. Very very brave and courageous.

Our policemen and Firefighters, our EMT's and first responders.. These people put their lives on the line for us every single day to protect the home front. Without them, some of us wouldn't even be here! They are also very brave and courageous men and women whom I respect greatly and am very thankful for.

 However,  bravery and courageousness (is that even a word?) come in all shapes and forms.While yes, Our Armed Forces and first responders are very honorable and brave, but that's not the only kind of bravery that exists is in this world.

 My mother was my hero. She was brave and courageous. She was not a soldier or a firefighter. No. She was just so brave until her last breath! She battled brain surgery and meningitis at the young age of 37. Shortly after recovering from that, she was diagnosed with fibromyalgia  which triggered severe depression, chronic fatigue, and a slew of other ailments that are too lengthy to list. Only to be diagnosed with stage 3C Ovarian Cancer at the young age of 47. She battled that with every ounce of her being and lost her 9 year battle on February 3 2015. She was there for any and EVERYone. She never felt good, but boy could she make YOU feel like a million bucks! She was the greatest person who ever lived. She was brave and courageous and a HERO to so many people (ask anyone who knew her). 122 people showed up the day of her funeral. My mother never served in the Armed Forces. Does that make her less brave and Heroic?

What does ANY of this have to do with Caitlyn Jenner, you ask? Well, I've seen it on many forums, articles, news casts, etc. That Caitlyn Jenner (former Bruce Jenner) isn't worthy of the title "Hero", "Courageous" and/or "Brave".

I greatly DISAGREE.

You do not have to be "America's Best" to be a hero. You do not have to go to war and be injured in order to qualify for the title. It was courageous to go through such a major, controversial, transformation in the public eye. Bruce Jenner never once took away from the fact that soldiers are heroes. Also, Caitlyn Jenner does not refer to HERSELF as a "hero". This is a title that has been used by the media and other critics and sources to describe what she has done, but it's true. Bruce Jenner could've gone off the grid and done this in privacy, but instead, he chose to shine some light on this very real, very socially unacceptable situation. He stood up in front of the world and said "this is me, and that's ok. Call me Caitlyn" I admire him for that. I wouldn't have had the courage to do it if I were in his shoes (which are probably more fabulous than anything I can ever afford to wear btw). Bravo(a) Caitlyn Jenner! It was courageous, heroic to so many, and very brave of you to stand up for the transgender community and share your huge, and inspiring transformation with the world! That's one step closer to Transgenders being socially acceptable, and anyone who can use their money and fame to do that for the world should be respected. There are lots of courageous people in the world today, I think Caitlyn Jenner is one of them.

Side note*** Many people do not agree with Transgender and/or gender identity disorder.. We can agree to disagree. I may get some backlash for my opinions. Especially being so closely tied to the military. Many of you may hate everything I've had to say here today, but It's my opinion, my blog, and I had to say it. 

Photo found at:http://www.businessinsider.com/bruce-jenner-revealed-as-caitlin-jenner-2015-6

Was it brave of me to post this ;-p (sorry, I couldn't resist)

Worst place EVER

Hot flashes. Something I've become a SME (subject matter expert) on.

I often think about the worst places a person could EVER experience a hot flash. The worst place I ever had a hot flash was at a hair show in Chicago. I was looking at OPI and BAM!!! Dripping sweat, my beautifully done hair was soaking and the curls were going straight and sticking to my face and neck. (Sexy, right?) nobody said anything, but watching a 30 yr old girl fanning herself while dying of heat in a perfectly cooled atmosphere is just weird. My face was flushed and I could feel the blood pounding in my cheeks. There DEFINITELY are worse places to experience this and at least I wasn't in stage. Sheesh!

So here's MY list of best and worst places I've ever had Hotflashes. What's yours?!

Best                        Worst
Car.                         Sauna
Shower.                  Steam room
Winter.                   Summer
Restaurant.             Meeting
Industrial freezer.   Ball Gown Shooping
Pool.                       Yoga